The current period marks a full decade since the phrase “disappearing” entered the common lexicon. Initially, the notion that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a lover without a word seemed like the peak of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a partner has only become more confounding – an commonly unsuccessful exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by online slang.
Zoomers, a cohort who matured during a loneliness crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a widespread attack on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their millennial elders could ever imagine. And so their dating glossary has grown longer and more deranged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the boundaries of your mental fortitude.
The following list is a detailed guide to the terms this generation is using to discuss romance, intimacy and the quest of both. To channel one of the year’s most viral online sayings, by the end of this glossary you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.
A
Genuineness – For Zoomers, dating’s ideal is presenting as your true, raw self. Good luck with that!
B
Bird theory – A TikTok trend loosely based on a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your partner’s reaction is inquisitive or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.
Independent partner – Zoomers' response to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while radiating enigma and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)
The Letter C
Chair theory – This refers to seeking out someone who helps you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.
Errand romance – A meet-up where two people form a link while running errands, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained people in their 20s do affordable romance in a inflation-era world.
Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a crush or split, spilling all of your (unrequited) emotions.
D
DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional excess, it refers to couples who forgo having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.
The Letter E
Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of acting aloof: practicing communication, honesty and openness.
The Letter F
Flags
- Red flags – Behavioral habits signaling a potential partner is not right. Such as calling their exes crazy, bad tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
- Green flags – These actions validate your decision to pursue a partner. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, owning a proper bed …
- Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe niche, largely harmless quirks. Such as being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their bag, paying the rent in physical money …
Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same things or people that you do (few things builds intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).
G
Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy is into.
Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of disappearing.
Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.
Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately postponing orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.
H
Gloomy heterosexuality – A trend describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.
Traditional ideal woman – An ideal promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own aside from satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?
The Letter I
Turn-offs – Arbitrary and often mundane repulsions that immediately shut down any feelings of desire.
“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly sweet display.
J
Careers – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.
K
Kissing – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be waning since some gen Z desire fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance authentic.
Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {
